


Let’s Not Keep Secrets

by AndTheCloudSang (ScrewThis)



Category: Super Junior
Genre: (unable to accept help that we would really benefit from), Breaking Up & Making Up, F/M, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25174462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrewThis/pseuds/AndTheCloudSang
Summary: Hyukjae is still in love. Well, maybe love isn’t the word for it, but he definitely still has lingering feelings (which are only because of the lack of proper closure, don’t listen to Donghae, he’s gone crazy from his avocado smoothies). But there’s no way he’s ever going to take back a cheating bastard like Jongwoon, no matter how much it hurts to see him happy with Jungsu-hyung.Jongwoon just wants his boyfriend back and for everything to go back to normal, preferably without [redacted] killing him in the process.
Relationships: Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk
Comments: 25
Kudos: 58





	1. One of Those Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions, clumsy foreshadowing, and lots of me projecting.

Jongwoon watches Jungsu cry on the screen in front of them, hears everyone shut up and listen for once. He feels bad for him, he knows how much Jungsu hates to show this side of himself to anyone that isn’t essentially family. 

He thinks of the many nights they had spent holding one another as they cried, though, admittedly, it had been Jongwoon doing most of the crying. He tilts his chair back and grimaces. He should've noticed, should have done more. He’ll call him tonight. 

The rest of the monitoring and filming goes fine, except Jongwoon can’t help but watch his and Eunhyuk’s part without feeling bittersweet. Being voted the best couple and having to go to the movies together just worsens the feeling. It feels too much like what they used to be and what he can no longer have. 

Jongwoon finds Jungsu just as he’s about to head out of the building. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Jungsu gives him a look. “I promise I won’t be pushy.” Jungsu just sighs and pulls him away from the doors into the corner of the hallway. 

“What do you want? If it’s about the filming, you know better than to ask.” Jongwoon doesn’t miss the defensive tone or posture and smacks himself internally. He really should have paid better attention. 

“Aish, hyung, it’s not like that. I was just thinking, it’s been a while since we ate together. You should come over sometime this week, or I can come over if you can’t leave Shimkoong by herself.” Jungsu gives him a suspicious look. 

“Fine. Come over Friday around 11. I might be late though, I’ll be coming straight from an event.” Jungsu makes to leave before Jongwoon grabs his arm and blocks his escape with his body. 

“You really do work too much, hyung. I can come over another day where you’re not busy.” Jungsu just laughs. 

“You, of all people, telling me to work less is real rich. You also know there’s not gonna be a day that’s actually good so just come over, yeah?” Jungsu tries to leave again but Jongwoon just backs him further against the wall. 

Jongwoon leans down to whisper, “Hyung… I was thinking, it’s been a long time since we had one of  _ those  _ nights with each other and-“

“Hyungs!” Jongwoon and Jungsu both hurriedly step away from one another when they hear Donghae’s voice.  _ Kid really does have the worst timing.  _

“Donghae-ah! What’s up?” Leeteuk says. Jongwoon admires how quickly he can adapt and change into his stage persona. The smile on his face almost looked completely real. It’s a skill he never really managed to develop. He turns around and immediately wants to die because there’s the one person he wants to steer clear of. Jongwoon studiously avoids eye contact but he can feel Hyukjae’s stare drill into him. 

“Nothing, I just thought you already left since it seemed like you were in a hurry. What were you and Jongwoon-hyung talking about just now?” Donghae looks between them with that innocent smile on his face and Jongwoon can’t bear to tell him the truth. He and Jungsu exchange a glance. 

“It was nothing, Donghae-ah. You were right though, I was in a hurry so I’ll be going now. Take care! And Woonie, I’ll text you, yeah?” Jungsu left without waiting for his answer. Jongwoon stares after him as he leaves and sighs when he hears a scoff behind him. He turns around to see Hyukjae shaking his head minutely and frowns a little.  _ What’s up with him?  _

“C’mon Donghae, we’re gonna be late.” Hyukjae grabs Donghae’s hand and tugs him towards the doors. 

As they’re leaving, Jongwoon hears Donghae whine, “Late for what? Hyukkie, we don’t have anything today.” 

Jongwoon smiles to himself bitterly as he watches them walk away, side by side, shoulders brushing, and wonders where it all went wrong. He makes his way toward the entrance when he loses sight of them.  _ I probably oughta get going too.  _

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

Jongwoon spends an honestly ridiculous amount of time thinking and worrying about his get together with Jungsu. He stands in front of his friend’s door with the sushi he’d bribed one of his friends into making and presses the buzzer.  _ I really should have done this sooner.  _

He hears Shimkoong’s barking before the door opens and smiles as Jungsu leads him into the living room. Jongwoon sets down his stuff and stands to go help his friend in the kitchen. He puts the sushi in the fridge knowing that his hyung would eat it later. 

“Jungsu-hyung,” he whines. He can feel his hyung stiffen a little from the back hug but he relaxes soon enough. 

“Get off of me, you brat. I’m cooking, this could be dangerous.” Jongwoon knows he doesn’t mean it when Jungsu-hyung leans back against him and closes his eyes for a bit. He tightens his grip around his hyung’s waist and buries his face into his shoulder. 

“I’ve missed this, I’ve missed you,” he whispers. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Jungsu murmurs into the almost-silence of the apartment. There was something about the atmosphere that neither of them could bear to disturb. 

They sit down to eat on the floor, backs against the sofa. Jungsu sets down the food as Jongwoon pulls up his Netflix account. 

“Whatdya wanna watch, hyung?” 

Jungsu gives him a blank stare. “Is there really a point to it? We both know how this night is gonna end.” 

Jongwoon grins. “No, but it’s always nice to have background noise.” 

Jungsu just nods as Jongwoon switches on some random drama. They eat in silence for the most part, only broken with the occasional request to pass dishes and utensils. Once they finish, Jongwoon gets up and takes both their plates to the sink. 

“You really don’t have to do that,” Jungsu protests as he follows him. He grabs the soap bottle out of his hand and tries to reach for the dishes. 

“Hyung, you already cooked today and I know you had a rough day. Just go sit down, pet Shimkoong and let your mind rest a bit, I can handle this,” Jongwoon says, grabbing the bottle back and starting to scrub. Jungsu just sighs and does as he’s told. 

When he’s done, Jongwoon joins Jungsu in the living room. They curl up together, Jungsu’s head tucked into Jongwoon’s shoulder as they both stare blankly at the TV. 

There’s a dramatic scene playing out and music rising in the background as Jongwoon says, “Hyung, you know I love you, right?” 

Jungsu doesn’t turn away from the TV and stays quiet. 

“Hyung?” 

When there’s still no response, Jongwoon sighs and starts carding his fingers through Jungsu’s hair. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it and we don’t have to, but I want you to know you can rely on me. I know you don’t want to be a burden and you think that you have to shield us from everything, but we’re not the same kids we were. We can handle things and we can help you. If nothing else, take care of yourself better so you can take care of us for longer.” After his spiel, Jongwoon realizes that Jungsu has gone suspiciously quiet and hasn’t protested once. He looks down and finds him trying to hold back tears. 

“Oh, hyung,” Jongwoon murmurs. “It’s alright, you can cry. I’ll be right here.” 

Jungsu doesn’t respond verbally, but he does bury his face into Jongwoon’s chest. Jongwoon can feel his shoulders shake and his tears soak into his shirt. He pulls his hyung closer and keeps running his fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down. Jongwoon doesn’t know how long they spend in that position, but it feels like a small eternity as he wonders why he couldn’t have done better to protect him.

Jungsu lets out a few last sniffles and wipes his eyes. “Thanks, Jongwoonie, I think I needed that.” 

“Hyung… we really should talk about your stress levels an-“ 

“Jongwoon, I’m really not in the mood,” Jungsu says pleadingly. 

“But-“ 

“Nope. No buts. I only have one schedule for a radio in the evening so we can talk about this all day tomorrow.” This time, Jungsu’s tone leaves no room for argument. 

“Fine.” Jongwoon isn’t happy about it, but it’s better than nothing. 

Jungsu glances at the digital clock and swears. “It’s late, you should just stay over. You know where the extra room is, right?” 

“Aw, hyung, I was hoping we could sleep together. For old times’ sake if nothing else.” Jongwoon wasn’t lying, he’d missed sleeping near his hyung because he was the only one that didn’t have frustrating sleep habits. 

Jungsu rolls his eyes. “You little brat. Fine, but only if you throw away the trash and lock up.” Jongwoon lets out an exaggerated cheer just to see his hyung’s lips twitch up. Jungsu leaves to wash up before bed and Jongwoon heads to the kitchen to get the trash. 

As he passes through the living room he hears a soft knock on the door.  _ Was Jungsu-hyung expecting someone?  _ He opens the door and blankly stares at the person on the other side. 

“Ah, Yesung-hyung. Well, if you’re here I guess I’ll go.” Hyukjae turns around and makes to head back but Jongwoon grabs the edge of his jacket. 

“Wait! Why are you here?” 

Hyukjae practically yanks himself away from his grip and steps back to put more distance between them. Jongwoon’s heart feels like it’s being squeezed in his chest. He drops his hand and mutters an apology while avoiding eye contact. 

“I just came by to see if Teukie-hyung was still up and wanted to do something. If he’s not, I’ll just get going.” 

“He’s getting ready for bed now, but we could do something together instead?” Jongwoon asks tentatively. Hyukjae’s expression goes from guarded to downright cold. Seeing the change, Jongwoon frantically tries to convince him. “It’s just, we haven’t talked or done anything one on one for a while, don’t you think we should at least try to be friendly?” Jongwoon didn’t think it was possible, but Hyukjae’s expression closes off even more. 

“No thanks,” he says with a tight smile. 

“Woonie, make sure you get all the lights and don’t wake me up when you come to bed! Also make sure you actually get here at a reasonable time!” Jungsu’s voice rings through the apartment and spills out into the hallway.  _ Hyung, sometimes you just have the worst timing.  _ Hyukjae had turned around after he rejected Jongwoon’s offer, but he stopped in his tracks when he heard Jungsu’s voice. Jongwoon sees how his shoulders tense and his back stiffens, but he swiftly resumes walking before Jongwoon can even think to clarify what he had just heard. Why or how or what he would say he doesn’t know, but the opportunity to try is long gone. 

Jongwoon sighs and sets about actually finishing his tasks. 

He settles down next to Jungsu after washing his face and brushing his face (and borrowing his clothes), knowing he won’t be able to fall asleep for a while. He turns a couple times to see if changing position will help. 

“For fucks’ sake, just come here already,” Jungsu groans. He holds his arms open and Jongwoon scoots closer with a sheepish smile, not that his hyung can actually see it. 

“I’m sorry, hyung.” He really is sorry, he knows how much Jungsu doesn’t sleep as is. 

“It’s fine, just stop thinking and actually sleep now, yeah?” Jungsu doesn’t wait for an answer before he’s already fast asleep, exhaustion outweighing anything else. Jongwoon burrows into Jungsu’s chest, happy to just be there, even if he won’t be able to fall asleep.  _ I’ve needed one of these nights,  _ he thinks as he closes his eyes, content to let the rest of the world drift away for the night. 

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

Jongwoon wakes up to Jungsu shifting and mumbling in his sleep. 

“Hyung?” he calls as he shakes Jungsu.  


“Hyung?” The mumbling has grown to full grown whimpers and Jongwoon quickly grows worried. “Hyung!” He yells. 

“Ah! Yah! Huh?” Jungsu looks around the room blearily. “Oh, Woonie, it’s just you.” 

Jongwoon looks at Jungsu worriedly as his hyung tries to steady his breathing. 

“I’m going to assume you don’t want to talk about that with me right now, but you better be talking about that with your therapist.” 

Jungsu avoids eye contact. 

“Hyung! You told me you would start going to therapy regularly. Please?” 

“It’s only been a couple of sessions,” Jungsu admits with a guilty expression. 

Jongwoon sighs. “I  _ will _ talk to your manager and make sure you can’t take on too much work. You know you need professional help to get through your shit and you know you can keep going through therapists until you find one that works.” 

“I know. I just… I need something that will keep me on track for these since I can’t seem to find the motivation on my own.” 

“I’ll do it!” Jongwoon responds eagerly. “I can text you, call you, nag you, whatever you need to do this consistently.” Jungsu looks at his earnest smile and can’t bring himself to disappoint him anymore. 

“I’ll send you my appointment schedule. Now come on, breakfast isn’t gonna make itself.” 

Breakfast with Jungsu-hyung always makes Jongwoon a little sentimental. He looks at his hyung as he moves around the kitchen and marvels at how far they’ve come from the scared children they once were. He smiles at thought. 

Jungsu checks him with his hip as he passes by. “If you wanted to just stand there gawking you should have gone to the cafe. Come help me set the table.” Jongwoon smiles and takes the plates. 

“So, have you worked stuff out with Hyukjae yet?” Jungsu asks. Jongwoon promptly chokes on his juice and splutters as he tries to come up with the words. “I’ll take that as a no,” Jungsu says as he casually hands him a napkin. 

Jongwoon wipes off his face and the table before replying. “There’s nothing to work out, we’re fine.” He very obviously avoids Jungsu’s gaze. 

“Bullshit.”  _ Oh shit, there’s that tone. _ “You are very much still in love with him and he clearly still has feelings so why can’t you both get your heads out of your asses?” 

“I’ve tried!” Jongwoon runs his hand through his hair, frustrated. “I’ve really tried hyung,” he continues in a smaller voice. “I’ve asked to talk, to do stuff together like we used to, literally everything to either figure this shit out or go back to how we used to be but he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.” Jongwoon smiles bitterly. 

“Woonie, everyone but you can see that he still likes you. I don’t know why he can’t admit it, but I promise you he does. What started this whole mess in the first place?” 

“I have an idea, but I’m not completely sure. Do you remember that night a couple months ago? A little bit like this but sadder and more talking about our past? Drunk on the set of that overnight shoot?” 

Jungsu pales. “Oh no, do you think he saw...?” 

Jongwoon nods defeatedly. “I can’t think of anything else it could be. You have to admit, it looked suspicious as fuck, but it’s not something I can just tell him, y’know? It’s not just  _ my _ secret but even if I could, would he believe me? I mean, he didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain myself in that situation, so why would he listen to something so ridiculous?” 

Jungsu stays quiet for a little while before nodding. “You’re not wrong,” he says as he stands up. “But have you even tried asking Heechul?” The sound of a call going through is already ringing through the room as Jongwoon jumps out of his seat and lunges for Jungsu. 

“Hyung!” 

Jungsu fends off his attempts to grab his phone as he talks. “Heechullie? Yeah, are you free right now? Can you come over? Woonie’s being dumb.” 

There’s a bit of quiet as Jungsu listens to whatever Heechul says. 

“Mhm, okay, see you then.” Jungsu smiles as the call ends. “He’ll be here in a couple hours. In the meantime, you wanna go grocery shopping with me?” 

Jongwoon stares at his hyung for a solid minute, blankly trying to process what had just happened. He shakes his head to clear it and nods. 

“Great! Meet me in the hallway after you grab your stuff.” With that, Jungsu cheerfully heads towards the door. Jongwoon just sighs and heads toward the bedroom.  _ It’s better not to argue.  _

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi humans!! I’m new to the fandom as in I joined like a month or two ago so I’m sorry if the characterization feels off to anyone. This is my first time writing (and posting) something in years so please be gentle. I (like most creators) thrive off of feedback of any sort so please don’t be shy!


	2. Cold (and Alone)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I would update regularly and I don’t think that’s happening. Since I’m new with the fandom I wanted to try writing different perspectives so please bear with this chapter!

❤️💙🤍💙❤️

  
The morning starts like he expects; with heavy bags under his eyes and exhaustion already weighing down on his body. He sighs as he looks in the mirror and grabs a mask and hat so he can go out and stock up on ramen. 

Hyukjae finds himself scrolling through his phone while walking to the store when he gets a text from their producers. 

_ Have you and Yesung gone out on the movie date yet?  _ He reads and wants to throw his phone through the store window. He stares at the message a little longer before putting his phone in his pocket.  _ That’s a problem for future Hyukjae. _

He makes his way through the grocery store looking for his favorite brand of ramen when he hears familiar voices. His first instinct is to hide before he realizes even those two wouldn’t be able to recognize him with this much of his face and body covered. 

Hyukjae peeks around the shelves at the end of the aisle to see Jungsu-hyung and Jongwoon huddled around a display of… grapefruit?  _ Yesungie-hyung doesn’t like grapefruit.  _

He watches as Jongwoon playfully throws a grapefruit at Jungsu who catches it gently. He can see Jungsu-hyung’s mouth open to scold Jongwoon, but his mouth shuts when Jongwoon leans closer to whisper into his ear. 

Hyukjae instinctively frowns and his chest aches watching that scene. Jongwoon pulls away with a little smile and Jungsu shyly nods. 

He seethes as he watches his hyungs continue to be romantic together, as if both of them hadn’t betrayed him. They exit the store, walking closely enough to bump into each other every couple of steps. Hyukjae only manages to snap himself out of his fit of jealousy once they round the corner out his sight and he realizes that he doesn’t have much time left to finish shopping before his schedule. 

❤️💙🤍💙❤️

Eunhyuk’s late. He expected it, of course, but he was hoping he wouldn’t be. He sighs throughout the filming, his mind still stuck on what he had witnessed in the grocery store. Jongwoon he gets, Jongwoon had already proved himself untrustworthy, but Hyukjae has been holding out hope that Jungsu was better. Jungsu-hyung hadn’t known they were dating, he couldn’t have known, but Jongwoon… 

“Eunhyuk! We need you on set in 5!” 

Hyukjae snaps out of his thoughts and signals an ‘ok’ before steeling himself.  _ There’ll be plenty of time to sulk and cry later.  _

After the shooting ends, he wanders around the neighborhood a little bit. He doesn’t quite know what to do. There’s no other schedules for the day, he doesn’t want to risk running into Jongwoon and Jungsu again if he goes home, but he also doesn’t want to see any of his other friends. 

He’s walking through a side street with his head down, thinking, when he feels a sudden tap on his shoulder. 

“Oh Jesus fu—” he shouts, jumping away in shock. 

Hyukjae hears a familiar laugh and really doesn’t want to turn around.

“Relax, it’s just me.” He hates that he can  _ hear _ the smile in Jongwoon’s voice, the teasing, playful lilt. He hates that his voice still makes him melt, just a little, even after all that’s happened. 

“Hyung. I didn’t know you had a schedule near here.” He can’t turn around, can’t look him in the eye. 

“I don’t, I was just hoping to find you.” Hyukjae tenses up a little, wonders if he can make a run for it. Anything to avoid this conversation. Jongwoon seems to sense what he’s thinking and grabs his hand. 

“Please,” he begs. “Just one chance. Give me one chance, an hour tops, to explain myself. You don’t have to forgive me or take me back or anything, just hear me out till the end.” 

Hyukjae hesitates. He thinks about the amount of time he’s spent crying, trying to pick himself back up after he saw who he thought was the love of his life cheating on him with one of his closest friends, and he really wants to say no. To tell Jongwoon to fuck off, that he’s over them. But that’s a lie. 

It hurt, but deep down he’s holding on to this desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, what he saw was wrong. That somehow, some way, Jongwoon still loved him the same. 

He looks up to give Jongwoon his answer only to see that he’s already started turning around, assuming the worst from Hyukjae’s prolonged silence. 

“Where are we doing this?” He asks softly. 

“What?” Jongwoon stares at him with wide eyes. “You’re willing to hear me out? Thank you, thank you so much, I promise I—”

“Just shut up and go.” 

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Jongwoon says breathlessly. Hyukjae stares at his back, not really paying attention to where they’re going. He’s already starting to regret this. Just seeing Jongwoon has his heart pounding in his chest and his palms sweaty, how is he supposed to handle a full conversation? 

He’s so busy wondering about what he thinks is going to come of this that he doesn’t notice when Jongwoon stops and bumps straight into his back. 

Jongwoon turns around and gives him a borderline creepy smile with how wide it is. “We’re here!” He gestures dramatically. 

Hyukjae looks up at the sign on the building and grimaces. Jongwoon just had to choose this place, huh? Really had to twist the fucking knife in? 

He walks in and the smell immediately brings him back to a time when they were happy together, bickering and laughing and in love. Hyukjae runs his hands against the backs of the chairs as he passes by and takes in the sound of everyone else talking. It hasn’t changed a single bit since their first date, a little piece of their past still in their present. 

He gets too caught up in the memories that he doesn’t realize Jongwoon has already sat down in their usual table hidden behind shelves and near the windows in the back. 

He drags his feet and curses under his breath as he makes his way over. Jongwoon is already smiling and handing the menu back to the waiter by the time he gets there. He turns to Hyukjae, still with that damn smile. 

“I ordered your usual. I hope that’s okay?” His voice gradually gets quieter when he notices Hyukjae standing, unmoving and unblinking. 

“Hyuk-ah? Are you gonna sit down?” 

Something almost snaps in Hyukjae then, the use of that nickname perhaps, but he shakes himself to focus. Just a couple minutes and he would have the answers he wanted, no,  _ needed _ , for closure. 

He ignores Jongwoon’s question and sits down. He takes his sweet time making himself comfortable while Jongwoon sits in awkward silence. When he’s done with the pettiness, he leans back and gestures for Jongwoon to start talking. 

“I know you probably don’t want to be here and don’t want to hear my excuses, but I’m grateful you agreed anyway. This is going to sound cliche, but I promise it wasn’t what it looked like. I would never cheat on you, you have to know that if nothing, please—”

“Here are your drinks and the treats you ordered,” the server cheerfully interrupts as they set down the dishes. “Enjoy your meal and have a nice day!” 

“Oh, thank you,” Jongwoon manages to reply before they leave. 

Hyukjae has the strangest urge to laugh at the timing of the situation. He grabs a macaroon and starts eating, more so he doesn’t have to talk than anything. Jongwoon collects his thoughts and begins again, slowed down from his previous rambling. 

“I just… I want you to know that I’m sorry and no matter what, I’ll love you,” Jongwoon finishes. Hyukjae can practically hear him swallow his saliva. He toys with the snacks a little bit longer, trying to figure out what to say and how to say and decides that he really doesn’t care enough. 

“So what was it?” He finally asks. 

Jongwoon looks surprised. “What was what?” 

Hyukjae lets out a tired sigh. “If what I walked in on wasn’t you and Teukie-hyung making out and in the middle of foreplay on set, what the fuck was it?”

Jongwoon looks like he’s nervously contemplating what he says next. 

“I don’t want excuses. I refuse to go back to someone who cheated on me so if you don’t have another explanation…” Hyukjae trails off and starts to stand up. 

“No! Wait, I do,” Jongwoon says desperately. “I’m a vampire.” 

Hyukjae stares in absolute shock and disbelief before bursting out laughing. He laughs until his eyes tear up and his face and stomach hurt and suddenly he’s choking on air because, oh… he’s crying. There are tears running down and he’s not laughing anymore. 

He looks at Jongwoon’s confused face through the tears and something in him gives. “You’re fucking serious. You really expect to believe this crock of shit.” Hyukjae starts angrily picking up his stuff while talking. 

“Did you and Teukie-hyung come up with this together? Was this all some sick fucking joke to you? Huh, Jongwoon? Did the time we spent together mean nothing to you? Was it fun to string me along, to act like you loved me?” He turns around one last time. “From here on, you can ignore our relationship. Pretend it never happened. I hope you’re happy with him.” 

With those words, he makes his way out of the cafe still crying. He furiously wipes away the tears and walks, breaks into a run, just to get away from that place and that bastard a little faster. 

He runs until his legs grow numb and then runs a little bit more. Looking around, he finds himself in an alleyway near their old company building because of course this is where his body takes him. 

He leans back against the brick and lets the cold stone cool his back as he sinks to the ground. Something hits his head and he looks up in time to have a raindrop land directly in his eye. Great, now he’s hit cliche bingo. 

He ignores the rain and curls his legs so he can rest his head on his knees. Staying here for a little longer won’t hurt. He’ll go home in a couple minutes when his legs feel a bit better.   
  


❤️💙🤍💙❤️

Hyukjae wakes up in his apartment disoriented because the last thing he remembers is crying in that old alley. He’s dressed in different clothes and he’s tucked comfortably into his bed. 

“How the hell did I get here?” He wonders as he sits up and looks around. Everything looked to be in order so it probably wasn’t some random stalker fan. He’s still thinking as Donghae walks into his room a glass of some weird looking smoothie. 

“Oh good, you’re awake,” his friend says cheerfully. 

“Why are you here?” Hyukjae asks suspiciously. 

Donghae blinks. “Heechul-hyung called me and told me you were out in the rain alone, without a car and asked me to pick you up. Apparently everyone else was busy. You were passed out when I got there so I brought you home and changed you out of your wet clothes.” 

Hyukjae nods thoughtfully, processing, and then stops. “Wait, how did Heechul-hyung know where I was?” He wonders. 

Donghae just shrugs and heads back toward the kitchen. 

“I’m not sure, man, but I have ramen on the stove the way you like it if you wanna eat,” he calls over his shoulder. 

After a little while, Hyukjae shrugs too. It probably isn’t that important anyway.    
  


❤️💙🤍💙❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! :) I’ll try to have the next update out within two weeks (hopefully less) but I hope everyone stays safe until then! 🏵💙


	3. (Maybe Not) Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Jongwoon experienced parts of the last chapter + conversations with an old friend where they make future plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi humans!! New chapter, but for some reason writing the chapter summary feels weird. Did I not do them before? I feel like I wrote it too plainly but it’s almost 3 a.m. here 😅

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

  
“If what I walked in on was not you and Teukie-hyung making out and in the middle of foreplay on set, what the fuck was it?” Hyukjae asks. He sounds so tired and resigned that Jongwoon regrets waiting this long, but would this really end well? He considers Heechul-hyung’s advice again. 

🏵

_ Jongwoon waits nervously as Heechul maintains an uncharacteristically serious expression while thinking about his request. It feels like an eternity until he finally talks.  _

_ “Are you sure, Jongwoon-ah?” Jongwoon has spent so much time thinking about it, tossing the consequences, the possible reaction, the aftermath, everything, around in his head that he doesn’t even have to think about the question. He nods.  _

_ “I’m sure, hyung. From everything you’ve described to me, I think he’s the one. And even if he isn’t, I don’t think he would make it a larger issue than it needs to be.”  _

_ Heechul just stares, looking pensive. And then he blinks, once, twice, and the normal light is back in his eyes.  _

_ “Then that’s all I need to hear. As long as you’re sure you won’t regret this, I won’t stop you. You deserve to be happy with him after everything. You can even tell him about me if he asks, but leave the other two out of it, okay?”  _

_ Jongwoon knew that this would likely be his response, but he still smiles and lets out a sigh of relief anyway. It would be nice to come clean and explain everything, and hopefully fix his mess in the process.  _

_ “Thank you so so much, Heebongie!”  _

_ “Yeah yeah you brat. This means you can't bail on our next night out, though. You aren’t getting this shit for free.”  _

_ Jongwoon thinks about it for a second and then agrees. All in all, it wouldn’t be a bad trade off.  _

_ 🏵  _

Even after playing the scene over and over again in his head, he’s still hesitant. Will this really fix everything? 

Hyukjae seems to sense his hesitation because he starts trying to goad him into talking again.

“I don’t want excuses. I refuse to go back to someone who cheated on me so if you don’t have another explanation…” Hyukjae trails off and starts to stand up. 

“No! Wait, I do!” Jongwoon says desperately but he pauses, considering the issue one more time. However, his mind kicks into overdrive when Hyukjae, who had sat down when he spoke, started to stand up again. 

“I’m a vampire!” he blurts out like a complete fool. He wants to punch himself. How the fuck did he manage to screw this up so badly? It was just so random and… 

He snaps out of his thoughts when Hyukjae starts to laugh. Jongwoon stares in awe because he hasn’t seen his ex-boyfriend laugh around him in so long, but that awe quickly turns to horror. The laugh sounds too loud, too fake, and the sound cracks into an ugly sob. He wants so badly to reach out, to hold and comfort him but it’s not his place anymore. Before he can come to a solid decision, Hyukjae starts talking again. 

“You’re fucking serious. You really expect to believe this crock of shit.” Hyukjae starts angrily picking up his stuff. 

“Did you and Teukie-hyung come up with this together? Was this all some sick fucking joke to you? Huh, Jongwoon? Did the time we spent together mean nothing to you? Was it fun to string me along, to act like you loved me?” He turns around one last time. “From here on, you can ignore our relationship. Pretend it never happened. I hope you’re happy with him.”

Jongwoon feels like his heart just fucking shattered in his chest. Is that really what Hyukjae thought this was? Did he really think Jongwoon was capable of doing something that cruel? 

(Did he really give up on them?) 

Jongwoon wants to punch himself for not interrupting, for not stopping him from leaving, for being a useless sack of shit in that situation. How could he have just let him go, let him leave thinking that? 

He shakes himself out of whatever state he’s fallen into and pays so he can leave as quickly as possible. By the time he steps outside, it’s already started to lightly rain and he sighs. Just the icing on top. 

He’s never been more thankful for his speed and the hours he’s spent running long distance, or for his instinct when he manages to find Hyukjae in under fifteen minutes. Those fifteen minutes though, those were absolutely terrifying, wondering where he could have gone or whether or not he was hurt. 

When Jongwoon sees him curled into himself in the alleyway, absolutely soaked through and shaking, he hates himself just a little bit more. 

He quietly approaches the body and crouches down, but Hyukjae doesn’t seem to notice. He gives himself a gentle shake and when he doesn’t respond, Jongwoon gathers his limp body into his arms. 

“Oh, love. I should have done better for you.” He lays a soft kiss on his eyelids and makes his way towards Hyukjae’s apartment as quickly as possible. 

Realizing that he doesn’t have the keys anymore, and that it would be weird if Hyukjae just found himself home when he woke up, he calls Heechul-hyung. 

Jongwoon hears the ringing for so long he’s worried that his hyung won’t pick up when his voice comes through. 

“Jongwoonie? Is something wrong? I thought you and Hyukjae would have been having hot make up sex by now.” 

“Yeah, I wish,” Jongwoon grunts, trying to balance Hyukjae and his phone. “He didn’t take it well. He’s passed out and soaked from the rain, but I don’t have a way to get him into his apartment without being a fucking creep. Any ideas?” 

“...I’m gonna kill you. How did you screw up?” 

“Hyung, that’s not the point right now,” Jongwoon snaps. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll call Donghae. Just, leave him in a nearby alley and make sure he doesn’t get mugged, I guess. You are so coming out for drinks with me once this shoot is finished.” 

“Yes, hyung.” Jongwoon ends the call and pockets his phone. He fixes his grip on Hyukjae before setting off at a slightly slower pace. 

He wonders how long Heechul-hyung’s gonna grill him tonight and shudders a little. Heechul-hyung was bad enough when he was acting psycho, but the genuine disappointment (or god forbid, anger) was enough to bring a grown man to tears. 

He gently lowers Hyukjae to the ground and tries to prop him up as comfortably as possible against a wet, brick wall in a smelly alley. Jongwoon looks around, trying to find a decent place to hide and watch over him until Donghae arrives. 

He sighs when he finds nothing but an industrial trash can towards the back of the alley. Times like this, being able to fly or transform would be really fucking helpful. 

As he grudgingly settles down and tries not to touch any of the filth with his bare skin, he replays the scene in the cafe. So many bad decisions, so many botched opportunities. 

The jarring sensation from hitting his head against the wall almost makes him miss the sound of someone else walking into the alley. He goes absolutely still before slowly peeking out from behind the trash can. 

He’s met with the sight of Donghae’s back as he lifts Hyukjae into a princess carry and deposits him in his car. As they drive away, he collapses back against the wall and just… stares. 

It’s almost completely dark and while the stars never shine that brightly in the city, they’re still beautiful. Jongwoon thinks he could spend the entire night like that. 

Sometime into his musings, he starts talking to himself. 

“What do I do?” he asks softly, thinking the stars may answer. (In the back of his head, he wonders if he’s drunk.) “How do I fix this?” 

“Maybe by talking to him like a sane person instead of talking to the fucking air?” Jongwoon doesn’t even startle at Heechul’s voice. 

“Did you really have to track me?” 

“Did you really decide to ignore my invitation to drink to sit by a trash can all night?” 

“Did you use the phone tracker or…?” 

“Bitch, if you don’t get your ass up this second,” Heechul says as he starts advancing toward Jongwoon’s sprawled out body. When he doesn’t even flinch, Heechul kicks his leg. 

“Get up. I’m sick of this drama. It’s stressing out Jungsu.” 

Jongwoon finally looks up. Smiles, if a little sadly. 

“Of course it’s for him.” Jongwoon grabs Heechul’s hand to pull himself up and dusts the dirt of the back of his shirt. “Let’s go.” 

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

Heechul watches in mild fascination as Jongwoon downs four shots in rapid succession. 

“Are you sure you can handle that much right now? How much have you eaten today?” 

“Teukie gave me a drink before you came over,” Jongwoon responds while reaching for another bottle. 

“I’m tempted to cut you off but I wanna see where this goes.” 

“You know this is barely enough to get me buzzed right now.” Jongwoon looks at the bottle for a second, shrugs, and pushes the shot glass aside to take a swig. 

Heechul lets him continue for two more bottles before taking the fifth one away from him. 

“Ahh, hyung,” Jongwoon whines. 

“Don’t ‘ah, hyung’ me, you’re drinking almost as much as Kyu.” 

“Oh please, he can handle way more if he’s had a meal before.” 

“You little drunkard, I dragged your sorry ass out of the alley so I could get an explanation, not sit and watch you get drunk,” Heechul growled. 

Jongwoon sighs. He doesn’t know why he tried to put off the inevitable. 

“I panicked. He said some things and I got stupid and desperate and just blurted that I was a vampire. And you know, he’s a normal, sane human being so he called me a lying, cheating asshole and left. That’s pretty much all there is to it.” Jongwoon sighs and reaches for the bottle again. Heechul slaps his hand away and glares at him. 

“Did you not try to interrupt and explain yourself or stop him from leaving or do literally anything to save the situation? I gave you permission and shit to tell him almost everything!” 

“Ok, first, Teukie and Kyu are huge parts of the overall timeline and situation, don’t lie to yourself. Second, I know I’m an incompetent bastard, can we stop rehashing it?

“Besides. Maybe it’s time I moved on. It’s probably in his best interest that we don’t end up together.” Jongwoon smiles bitterly. 

“Ah, fuck it all,” Heechul mutters. He grabs the bottle he had been keeping away from Jongwoon and chugs it. 

“Weren’t you just the one telling me not to act like an alcoholic?” Jongwoon asks, annoyed. 

“Oh shut up.”

“Is it about Jungsu-hyung?” 

“I thought I told you to shut up.” Jongwoon just observes his hyung silently for a couple minutes but when it looks like he really won’t reply, he sighs. 

“You can’t expect me to answer all this shit about Hyuk and then not talk about your obvious problems with Jungsu-hyung.” 

“I don’t think you understand that that’s exactly what I expect.” 

Jongwoon slumps back against the seat before an idea strikes him. He smirks a little to himself. 

“You know, maybe I should just take Hyukjae’s advice,” he muses. 

“What advice?” 

“He told me to be happy with Teukie-hyung. Maybe I should—”

Heechul interrupts him with a borderline inhuman sound. In the light, his eyes almost seem to have a dangerous glow to them. 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Kim Jongwoon.” 

Jongwoon chuckles and Heechul’s gaze sharpens. 

“You’re doing this on purpose!” 

“Doing what?” Jongwoon asks innocently. They stare at each other for a couple seconds before bursting out in laughter.

“We really are a pair of old fools, huh?” Jongwoon says, still chuckling. 

“I’ll drink to that.” 

They spend the next hour or so in the comfortable sort of silence that develops after years in close proximity. Jongwoon likes these sorts of things. Just sitting there and enjoying the presence of another person. He wishes this could happen with others, but he knows that some people are just special like that. 

“Jongwoon-ah,” Heechul starts, sounding the most serious he has all night. “You’ll fix this with Hyukjae, right?” He doesn’t look up from the glass he’s twirling in his fingers. 

“I hope so, hyung. I want to, but I don’t know where to even start. I’ve fucked stuff up so badly with him, there’s no way he would give me another chance to explain.” 

Heechul stays quiet for a little while. “Whatever you do, do better than me. Don’t hurt him like I hurt Jungsu. They both deserve better. No matter what, make sure you fix this or I promise you, you’ll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.” Heechul finally looks up and gives Jongwoon the most bitter, jaded smile he’s seen. 

“Hyung?” Jongwoon asks, confused. 

“Ah, it’s nothing Woonie. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” Heechul gives him an obviously fake laugh and Jongwoon is about to call him out on it when Heechul starts talking again. 

“Anyway, we can stop talking about that because I’m pretty sure I just came up with a solution to all your problems.” 

Jongwoon raises his eyebrows in disbelief. 

“Don’t look at me like that, just hear me out.” 

Jongwoon sits and listens and wants to hit his head against the table by the time Heechul finishes. 

“You really think this is gonna work?” 

Heechul nods excitedly. “Doesn’t it sound perfect?” 

“...hyung, this sounds like a great way to get myself beat up or yelled at again.” 

“Weren’t you just talking about how you could take me in a fight?” 

“Yeah, well I wouldn’t want to fight him.” 

“But you want to fight me?” Heechul asks indignantly.

“Hyung, we’re getting off topic. Do you really think this is gonna work? Is this worth it?” 

“What do you have to lose, Jongwoon-ah? Just give this a chance. You know I wouldn’t purposely try to make this worse,” Heechul pleads. 

“You’re fucking crazy,” Jongwoon says, slowly shaking his head. “I’m in.”    
  


💙🤍❤️🤍💙

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if I’m dragging this out too long 😖 I hope everyone caught onto the hints, I almost feel like they’re too obvious, but then, everything is in my head so.... 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed and if anything doesn’t make sense, please feel free to leave a comment and ask, I’m trying new formatting things and I know it might not always work for readers so please let me know! 
> 
> Also! I’m realizing that this chapter is more dialogue heavy (I think, at least the second half is) than the other two, lemme know if y’all like that or don’t. Oh, and the characterization! I feel like you can kinda guess I’m still figuring it out😅
> 
> I’m considering linking my twitter or something but it’s scary having people know me on social media and read something I’ve written, but if people would like that/prefer that... I shall consider. 
> 
> Why is this so long? Why am I rambling? All excellent questions that I don’t know the answer to. As always, please leave feedback of any sort and stay safe until next time! 😊🏵💙


	4. Love is a Daydream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some careful planning, strategic withholding of information, and past details come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. I’m not sure I have an excuse for the month lapse other than life? Working through trauma combined with school is not a good combo for me. Anyway. I’m sorry.

❤️💙🤍💙❤️

  
Hyukjae is still upset over the incident several days later. He spends the next several days holed up in his apartment blasting angry break-up music and pacing through every room, only occasionally stopping to cry out of sheer anger and frustration into his box of ice cream. 

When he finally gets sick of the monotony (but not his anger), he starts calling his friends. 

Heechul is the first one to pick up, only to tell him to ”stop fucking calling” because he’s in the middle of a shoot, and “if you’re really that angry, go work it out in one of the practice rooms.” The dial tone rings through Hyukjae’s ears, only fueling his anger. 

“Fine, be like that,” he mutters as he aggressively scrolls through his phone contacts. He presses Jungsu-hyung’s number next. It rings for so long that he thinks his hyung won’t pick up, but the call finally connects. 

“Hyung! I’m feeling kinda pent up and upset, do you think—“

“Hyuk-ah, I would love to talk, but I’m in the middle of a recording. Why don’t you go to the company and see if they have anything for you to do? Or just go there and dance to get your energy out? I wish we could talk more, but I really have to go! Bye!” 

Hyukjae stares in disbelief at the contact information flashing on his screen. 

“Why is everyone busy all of a sudden?” 

He pouts to an empty room before remembering that Kyuhyun was probably still in the dorms playing games. He lights up and rushes to get his shoes on before tripping out his door to the parking lot. 

Most of the car ride consists of him running through what he’s gonna say as he navigates to the dorms on muscle memory alone. 

Hyukjae slams the door open, panting from sprinting up the stairs. 

“I’m here!” 

There’s a crash from one of the bedrooms. Kyuhyun walks out cursing, looking like he had just spent the night gaming. 

“Can you try to be more normal? It’s only four in the afternoon.” 

Hyukjae ignores Kyuhyun’s glare as he stomps into the living room and throws his coat on the couch. 

“You know we have neighbors, right?” 

Kyuhyun sighs when Hyukjae just pouts. Sometimes he swears he’s not the real maknae. 

“What is it this time?” he asks, already internally mourning the loss of his precious alone time. 

“Jongwoon told me he’s a vampire.” 

Kyuhyun chokes on his wine. 

Hyukjae looks a little concerned, but he waves him off. 

“He told you what?” he manages to cough out. 

“I know, right? It’s unbelievable. The fucking audacity,” he fumes. Kyuhyun looks uncomfortable and awkwardly laughs. “I’m right, right Kyuhyun? He’s a bastard for that?” 

“Hold on, explain some things first. How did the conversation even get there?” 

“Well, it all started a couple months ago when Jongwoon cheated on me with Teukie-hyung—“ 

“He what?” Kyuhyun yells. 

“I walked in on them both shirtless and Jongwoon leaving a hickey on his neck,” Hyukjae explains nonchalantly. Or, he tries to at least. Kyuhyun grimaces. A lot of things suddenly made sense. He nods at Hyukjae to tell him to continue. 

“I’m a self-respecting person so I broke up with him and we’ve been awkward ever since. He tried to talk to me and explain things and that’s apparently the best he could come up with after three months,” Hyukjae scoffs. 

Kyuhyun hums non committedly. How the fuck is he supposed to do this? 

“Maybe he had his reasons?” he tries. He hurries to explain when Hyukjae shoots him an angry glare. 

“I know it sounds really stupid, and you may not believe it, but Jongwoon-hyung loves you. If not romantically, then platonically, but he does love you. He wouldn’t say something that ridiculous without a reason, especially if he was trying to explain that situation, right?” 

Kyuhyun can see Hyukjae’s anger wavering. 

“Maybe reach out? Actually let him explain? Worst case scenario, you get to slap him and leave.” 

Heechul-hyung so owes him for this. If this doesn’t work out, Jongwoon-hyung and Hyukjae-hyung are both gonna be insufferable. 

Scratch that, they’ll be insufferable no matter what, but at least their weird tension won’t ruin the group. 

Right on time, Kyuhyun hears a knock on the door. He hastily grabs his jacket and shoes. 

“There’s my manager. I have an extra musical thing so I have to go. Maybe do something at the company? Dancing usually helps you think, right?” 

Kyuhyun closes the door and smirks to himself. Everything according to plan. He starts making his way down the hallway. 

His manager shakes himself out of his daze and hurried to catch up. That smirk was chilling.   
  


💙🤍❤️🤍💙

Jongwoon doesn’t quite know what to do with himself for the next couple days. Heechul’s plan wouldn’t start for about a week and he’s already spent the entire day wandering in the company building. 

Without him realizing, his feet take him to one of the practice rooms. _Their_ practice room, where they used to spend nights after schedules just blasting music and talking. Jongwoon smiles a little sadly. He hopes that they can do that again soon. 

Sighing, he opens the door and steps inside. He runs his hand across the surface of the mirror and the wood as he slowly walks the perimeter and just thinks. About what was, what happened, what could have been. 

In the middle of reminiscing, his breath catches and he can hear the blood pound through his ears. _Hyukjae._ That had to be him, but how? Why was he here, why now? He wasn’t supposed to see him for another week! 

His heartbeat starts slowing and he can feel it pulse through his veins. He can sense when Hyukjae turns into the hallway. There’s no way he would come here, today of all days, by chance. 

Jongwoon clenches his jaw. Heechul, that conniving bastard. He must be behind this somehow. 

He loosens the tension in his jaw and the rest of his body slowly. There would be no point in getting angry without him there. Accepting his fate, Jongwoon sits directly in front of the door, back to the mirrors, and waits. 

His eyes slowly fall closed and he lets his other senses take over. 

There’s the water dripping from the pipes in the ceiling… the clock, _tick, tick, tick_ … and there. He focuses on the sound of Hyukjae’s footsteps, closer and closer. It feels like time slows as he gets closer. 

🏵 _Five 🏵_

_Jongwoon likes to think that he caught on pretty quickly. Even before he leaves for the military, he knows there is something a little different in how he thinks about Hyukjae._

_Admittedly, he originally chalks it all up to wanting to be closer to his dongsaeng, but it clicks for him after a couple months when he realizes he desperately wants Hyukjae to call, to ask to see him._

_And when he doesn’t, not unless it’s with another member or for the basic pleasantries, Jongwoon doesn’t know how to describe the feeling in his chest. Of wanting someone, liking them so much and knowing that they don’t feel the same._

_Heechul hyung spends a lot of time with him in the beginning despite the busy schedules (and despite how he’s so clearly pissed at Jongwoon). He brings it up during one of his last visits._

_“How does it feel?”_

_“It hurts,” Jongwoon states simply. And he really doesn’t know how else to say it._

_After that, the visits start to become less frequent, from everyone really, as they get busier. Jongwoon almost appreciates the timing because it means he can focus on his family issues._

_Before he knows it, his mandatory time is over. The stress of being back in the public eye combined with his family issues and his own self esteem mean that he forgets to eat. And then he purposely forgets to eat. But it’s not that hard, really, he’s fine._

_When he wakes up on the floor of his apartment, Heechul hyung is sobbing over his body. He tries to reach for him, comfort him, but he doesn’t have enough strength to move._

_When Heechul finally calms down enough to explain, Jongwoon finally gets it. Everything makes so much more sense, and even if it didn’t, he could have done better. Should have done better. From that point on, he spends a lot of time trying to apologize and make things right, despite how both Heechul and Kyuhyun tell him it’s fine._

_After that incident, he starts to get better. Therapy is a big help and he finds more productive ways to channel his anger and anxiousness. He also finally has enough time and mental energy to really think about his feelings. Realizing that they didn’t go away is a bit surprising, but as he watches Hyukjae laugh, he wonders how anything that strong could ever go away._

_And every day, the feelings just grow. There’s a new piece, a new aspect of Hyukjae that makes him stop and smile every single day._

_He falls in love with the snark. The banter, the way they keep each other on their toes, the way they just seem to fit together like they’ve known nothing else. The mutual annoyance, the gummy smile, the obnoxious laugh, the way Hyukjae pushes him out of his comfort zone._

_He falls in love like the absolute fool he is, knowing that Hyukjae doesn’t like him like that._

_Jongwoon smiles and laughs and teases back and desperately hopes that one day he will._

🏵 _Four 🏵_

_Hyukjae doesn’t know why Jongwoon keeps calling him or asking to hang out, but he’s not going to lie and say he hates it (not to himself at least)._

_They’ve gone to so many cafes he’s lost count, visited places he never even knew existed in this city, and he’s probably spent more time with Jongwoon-hyung in the past year or so than in all the previous years._

_It’s… nice._

_A little awkward at first, sitting in almost complete silence in an artsy cafe, but once they start talking, it’s really nice._

_They disagree about the most trivial things possible, finding joy in arguing and taunting one another. Hyukjae is hard pressed to remember a time when someone could match his jokes and teasing so well._

_It doesn’t hurt that Jongwoon almost always picks up the tabs for their food or activities. Hyukjae’s never been the type to turn down free shit._

_Before he knows it, they’ve spent months like this and they get to a point where even the silence feels comfortable._

_Hyukjae isn’t sure what these casual dates (is he allowed to call them that?) mean to Jongwoon or what they mean about their relationship, but he knows what he wants._

🏵 _Three 🏵_

_“Jongwoon hyung?” Hyukjae calls. Jongwoon hums._

_“Are we dating?”_

_Jongwoon tenses and keeps his face buried in Melo’s fur because he doesn’t know what to say, can’t say anything without giving himself away and—_

_“Because I accidentally told Donghae that we’re dating, and I may have called you my boyfriend in front of Ryeowook and Kyuhyun too, but we never really made it official so I was wondering…”_

_Hyukjae starts trailing off and getting quieter when he realizes that Jongwoon’s eyes are oddly fixated on him, burning with something he can’t name. Hyukjae feels as if those eyes are staring straight into his soul._

_“Hyung?” Hyukjae whispers._

_When Jongwoon doesn’t answer, he starts to panic._

_“I’m so sorry, that probably made you uncomfortable, I assumed too much—“_

_Hyukjae loses the breath to talk when Jongwoon pulls him into the tightest hug he’s ever been subject to. He didn’t even see him move off the couch._

_“Hyung… hyung,” Hyukjae gasps. “I can’t breathe!”_

_Jongwoon releases him from the hug only to hold him still by his shoulders. Hyukjae can’t stand the intensity of the eye contact and looks away._

_“Yes,” Jongwoon says breathlessly, smiling. “Yes, we’re dating, yes, we’re boyfriends.”_

_Hyukjae’s breath hitches before a blinding smile overtakes his face. He throws himself back into Jongwoon’s arms and they stumble backwards together toward the couch._

_Jongwoon keeps him against his chest as they lay on the couch, soaking in the perfect feeling of just being together._

_Jongwoon presses his lips against his boyfriend’s (gods does that feel incredible to say) hair and Hyukjae smiles against his chest. This feeling, this is the feeling he wants forever. Pure bliss._

🏵 _Two 🏵_

_Hyukjae doesn’t really like taking photos. Partially it’s his own insecurities but it’s also the sheer awkwardness of it all._

_Dressing up, posing, the multiple angles, it just all seems like a waste to him. He would much rather actually do something with his boyfriend, like explore the weirdly obscure and interesting places they go, but it looks like that’s not going to happen._

_And as much as Hyukjae doesn’t like photos, as much as he prefers the memories and the experience, there’s something about the way his boyfriend smiles when he takes pictures._

_Something in the way Jongwoon smiles, the way his eyes seem to glow under the streetlights, and the way the sunlight just seems to catch on his stupidly nice teeth makes all the tedious bullshit worth it to Hyukjae. Because if this is how his boyfriend wants to do to keep their memories and this is what he enjoys, Hyukjae won’t stop him._

_(Besides, it’s fun to not play along with a photo and see him get angry.)_

🏵 _One 🏵_

_Hyukjae collapses against the floor of the practice room, the music still playing on the speakers. He spent the whole day organizing and directing a concert so he’s already exhausted, but he can’t go to bed until he figures out how to modify the choreography to fit Super Junior’s style more._

_Normally, he would love the experience, the challenge, but right now he wants nothing more than to go home and pass out. Or go to his boyfriend’s house and pass out. (Sometimes he wonders if those are still two different places.)_

_Honestly, the floor isn’t that uncomfortable. Hyukjae really thinks that he could fall asleep right here if… he just closed…. his eyes…_

_There’s a bang as the door is slammed open and his body jerks up off the floor but crashes back down because he doesn’t have the strength to actually get up._

_“Literally what the fuck,” he starts as he turns around to yell at whoever the fuck thought coming in here was a good idea and immediately stops._

_His arm drops from where he was massaging his aching head. When he doesn’t say anything, Jongwoon pouts._

_“Are you not pleasantly surprised? I brought food,” he sing-songs._

_Jongwoon grunts when he feels Hyukjae crash into him._

_“Okay babe, I get you’re happy but maybe let me put down the food?” Jongwoon teases._

_When Hyukjae just holds him tighter and tries to burrow further into him, Jongwoon gives up. He smiles softly as he awkwardly attempts to maneuver them into a sitting position without spilling food on the floor. God knows he doesn’t wanna clean that up._

_He manages, somehow, but Hyukjae still insists on sitting as close as humanly possible. Not that he’s ever going to complain about watching his stupidly cute boyfriend try to stay awake while eating._

_Hyukjae gives up at one point and just dozes off on Jongwoon’s shoulder. He curls in closer to his boyfriend, trying to get away from the cold practice room floor. Jongwoon just chuckles and pulls him in closer. When he thinks that Hyukjae is finally asleep, he carefully tries to shift his head so he’s laying on the ground. As he tries to ease away so he can clean up their mess, Hyukjae reaches for him._

_“Hyung… hyung?”_

_“Yes Hyukjae?”_

_“You’ll come back, right? You’ll stay with me? Forever?”_

_“Of course.”_

_Jongwoon strokes the soft hairs at the back of Hyukjae’s neck and thinks. Yeah. Maybe they really could have forever._

🏵 Zero 🏵  
  


_Hyukjae sighs as he rounds the corner. They couldn’t have sent anyone else to find Leeteuk? Sure, everyone else was probably more drunk than he was, but still. He would rather look for his boyfriend._

_As he trudges down the hallway, he notices light coming from underneath one of the doors. Maybe that’s where one of them was hiding?_

_He presses his ear against the door to see if people are still inside and hears muffled voices._

_“... tell Hyukjae?”_

_“... time … he gets hurt? Too late…” Hyukjae’s eyes widen. That’s definitely his boyfriend’s voice, though it does sound slurred. Did he drink?_

_“... sure it’s okay?” And that’s Teukie-hyung!_

_“... doesn’t need to know.” Hyukjae frowns. What is he not being told? Why does Jongwoon think he doesn’t need to know?_

_He shakes his head. He can worry about that later, he just has to get these two back to the group._

_He slowly turns the doorknob, not wanting to scare the two, especially if they’re drunk._

_Hyukjae opens the door carefully to avoid any flying projectiles launched by an impulsive and startled boyfriend. Looking at the scene in front of him, he wishes he hadn’t given him the fucking courtesy of being careful._

_The first thing he sees is the back of his boyfriend’s head buried in the crook of Jungsu-hyung’s neck. He can’t even pretend that he’s passed out from drinking because they’re both moving against each other, Jungsu-hyung in Jongwoon’s lap._

_He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he lets out a small whimper. Jungsu’s head snaps up and stares at Hyukjae in horror. Jongwoon whines, asking him why he moved away and Hyukjae can’t bring himself to look away. It’s like watching a car crash, horrific, but mesmerizing._

_Jungsu’s eyes are still trained on Hyukjae._

_“What are you looking at?” Jongwoon asks as he turns around to look. His face pales when he sees Hyukjae._

_“Babe, I promise, it’s not what you think,” he explains desperately. He tries to push himself off the floor and collapses back down. As he sways, trying to regain his balance, he and Jungsu simultaneously reach for each other._

_“Jongwoon-ah,” Teukie-hyung starts with his leader voice. “You know you need this.”_

_Hyukjae’s fucking had it. He can’t watch this anymore, doesn’t want to see how this ends. He turns on his heel and runs to the room they assigned him, muffling sobs and wiping away tears as fast as he can._

_He’s suffered enough indignities today, he’s not adding another one to the count. Slamming the door to his room shut, he collapses onto the floor. His ears are ringing and there’s already a headache forming behind his eyes from crying, but he can’t stop._

_He just doesn’t get why. They were so happy, he thought they were both happy, he thought Jongwoon was fucking happy being with him. So why…?_

_Hyukjae just wants to know what he did wrong, what he couldn’t give Jongwoon. How long did he feel like he had to go to someone else?_

_When was he no longer enough? At what point did Jongwoon get sick of their memories, their photos, of forever? Of Hyukjae?_

_He cries until he exhausts himself enough to fall asleep and spends the next morning avoiding his (ex)boyfriend. Even if they haven’t officially broken up. He’s not sure he can handle that conversation with crying again. So they don’t have it, instead spending the next several months in a state of limbo where they avoid talking to each other and being alone as much as possible._

_🏵_

Hyukjae opens the door to the practice room only to immediately see the exact person he doesn’t want to talk to. 

“I’ll just leave,” he says, hastily turning back around. 

“Stop.” Hyukjae slowly faces Jongwoon. It really is unfair, he thinks. That the asshole is still so damn pretty. Jongwoon sits, legs splayed and eyes closed as he leans back against the mirror, and Hyukjae hates how ethereal he looks in an oversized hoodie (was that his?) and sweatpants. 

He raises an eyebrow. “Why should I?”

“You don’t have to, you can choose to walk out right now. But you’re still here and that makes me think you at least want closure. So please. Seriously. I promise there’s actually a good explanation for what you saw, but please, listen to the full story. It’s going to sound ridiculous and unbelievable, but I can prove it. Just… hear me out, all the way, no interruptions.” 

“Please,” Jongwoon whispers pathetically, almost begging. “Just one more chance to fix this, fix us.” 

Hyukjae breathes out a shuddering sigh and softly pushes the door closed. He sits right next to it as far away from Jongwoon as he possibly can, and nods to signal him to start. 

❤️💙🤍💙❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you wonderful human beings enjoyed ( if anyone is still reading this)! 😅 I promise we’ll actually get to what’s happening by the next chapter, I’m just a dramatic bitch. Let me know what you think is happening! I love feedback or just screaming frustration from you wonderful humans so please don’t hesitate! That’s too many exclamation marks, scary. 
> 
> Anyway. I’m sorry if the writing in this one was weird. All of this was written out of order across several weeks and in between my research papers, essays, and textbook reading (all of which are disgusting)


	5. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited Talk™.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Hope everyone’s doing okay. This chapter is brought to you by all the other Yehyuk creators who have been feeding us content this fine week who inspired me to actually get my ass into gear.

💙🤍❤️🤍💙

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a vampire,” Jongwoon begins. Hyukjae’s eyebrows raise incredulously. 

“Don’t give me that look! I told you I would explain!” Jongwoon snaps. Hyukjae can see him visibly try to calm down, taking deep breaths (do vampires breathe?) and shaking himself a little. 

“Sorry,” he sighs. “I’m—I’m not doing this right.” He looks so distressed that Hyukjae can’t help but reach out. Jongwoon’s eyes immediately snap up and lock on to his hand. Hyukjae flinches back and Jongwoon drops his head, feeling defeated. 

“I—I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to see that, I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re scared of me—“ 

“Woah, who the fuck said I was scared of you?” 

Jongwoon stares at him with an eyebrow raised. Hyukjae finally takes stock of his own posture: curled up as small as he could make himself, chin tucked into his knees and his arms wrapped around. He sheepishly tries to straighten himself into a more normal sitting position. 

“Hyukjae. It’s not just that. You flinched away from me earlier and you’ve avoided spending any sort of time with me for months. If you’re not scared I’m going to physically hurt you, you’re still scared that I’m going to betray your trust again.” 

“So are you admitting that what you did was wrong?” 

“It hurt you so it was obviously wrong,” Jongwoon admits easily. 

Hyukjae sits there, his mouth agape. He didn’t think he would say it so early on. 

“So you admit to cheating on me?” he asks, determined to get as much information as he can. 

“No.”

“But you literally just—“ 

“Hyuk, baby, please let me finish,” Jongwoon pleads. Hyukjae’s mouth audibly clicks shut. He’s not sure if it was the nickname, pet name, or his tone of voice, but Hyukjae stays quiet. 

“I’m not kidding. I’m a vampire,” Jongwoon says slowly, as if he’s thinking about each word. Hyukjae gasps when his eyes slowly start to shift red. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but… yeah. This is it.” Jongwoon sees Hyukjae smile a little and instinctively smiles in response. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Your fangs make your pronunciation even worse,” Hyukjae giggles. 

Jongwoon’s smile drop. Of course the little shit would go there. But… 

“You’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would,” Jongwoon admits, a bit confused. 

Hyukjae stops laughing. 

“Because this doesn’t actually have anything to do with the situation. This is cool, sure, but it doesn’t explain what I saw. So unless you have another cool explanation for that…” 

Jongwoon shudders at the look in Hyukjae’s eye and nods hurriedly. 

“I do, I do! I’m not allowed to tell you the long version, but it basically boils down to Jungsu-hyung volunteers as my blood bag.” Jongwoon internally winces and apologizes to his hyung for that description. 

“So, let me get this straight: Teukie-hyung and you were both shirtless. And he was in your lap. Because you, and I quote, “needed this” whatever “this” was. Because he’s your blood bag?” Hyukjae’s eyebrows were about to disappear into his hairline. 

“Yes?” Jongwoon tries hesitantly. Hyukjae just stares as his (ex?) boyfriend fidgets nervously. 

“You care to explain why you were both shirtless? And why he was in your lap? And what it was you so desperately needed in that position?” Jongwoon can’t hide his smile at Hyukjae’s jealousy. It was too cute. 

The smile quickly drops when Hyukjae glares at him. 

“Sorry, sorry! Get it? Sorry sorry?” Jongwoon snorts. “No, wait, not the time. Sorry. Anyway. Do you know how hard it is to wash blood out of clothes? And how hard it is to explain to people why you have blood on your shirt? Lemme tell you, it’s pretty fucking hard. And he was in my lap because that’s the easiest position to have leverage and stability. Nothing else, I promise.”

Hyukjae nods slowly. 

“Okay. Let’s say I’m willing to buy all that. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why Teukie-hyung? Why that night?” _(Why not me?)_

Both of them heard the real question Hyukjae was asking. 

“Hyukjae… I’m sorry. This is fairly new to me too, Heebongie only made me a vampire a couple months after I finished my enlistment. Our relationship felt too fresh and I was scared of scaring you. I guess that didn’t work out too well, huh?” Jongwoon says wryly. 

“You think?” Hyukjae mutters. He blushes when Jongwoon just smiles fondly at him. 

“I hadn’t had any blood for over a week and almost passed out before Jungsu-hyung offered. He was the only one there that knew and could really do anything. It takes a special sort of person to be able to do this.” 

Hyukjae can feel his heart squeeze in his chest. He ignores it. 

“Hold on; you said Heechul-hyung turned you?” he asks incredulously. “Why?” 

Jongwoon laughs. “Yeah, he’s been a vampire since his car accident. And, uh.” Jongwoon looks nervous all of a sudden. 

“And, uh what?” 

“You remember when I was in the hospital after my enlistment?”

Hyukjae pales. “You mean…”

Jongwoon nods grimly. “Yeah. I probably would have died. I’m honestly amazed he did it, considering…” 

“Considering…?”

“Things. Just things, nothing you have to worry about!” Jongwoon smiles. 

“How do you expect us to make this work if you keep hiding things?” 

Jongwoon’s smile instantly grows more strained. 

“I’m sorry, but it’s really not my secret to tell. I’ve told you pretty much everything I can.” 

Hyukjae nods, contemplating. 

“If you’re done with this little interrogation, can I ask you something?” 

Hyukjae hums. 

“Do you still love me?” 

Hyukjae freezes. There’s hysterical laughter bubbling in his throat that he’s desperately trying to push down and he can’t seem to produce a single coherent thought. 

_Yes, you fool. How could I not love you? How could I forget? How could I ever let you go?_

Jongwoon takes his silence as an answer. 

“Alright. Okay.” He nods, trying to convince himself of something, gods know what. 

Hyukjae can see him start to shut down, close in on himself, and he wants to punch himself. 

“C-can you give me time?” He finally managed to get out. 

Jongwoon looks up hopefully. 

“I-I’m not sure how to process all of this tonight. Can you give me time, to answer that question?” Hyukjae explains. 

“I would wait for you forever,” Jongwoon tells him solemnly and Hyukjae wants to cry. Instead, he nods, and heads for the door to the practice room. 

“Oh, and Hyukjae?” He turns around to look at Jongwoon, looking so tired in the dim light of that room. “If you were wondering. I’ve always loved you.” With that, he leans back against the mirror and closes his eyes, clearly not expecting a response. 

Hyukjae is thankful because he’s not sure he would be able to talk through the sobs building in his throat. He makes his way through the building slowly, seeing flashes of moments he and Jongwoon shared everywhere, and he wonders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written while I was sick, stressed, and severely sleep deprived so apologies if she’s rough. I’m sorry she’s shorter than the other chapters by a pretty noticeable amount, but I hope it was still enjoyable. (I feel really bad for any of my readers who read fast because this would be like a minute read for me.) As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments and make sure to stay safe!! 💙💙


End file.
